Years ago, one of my team members approached me to request a day off. This was a hardworking employee, so I expected a straightforward request.
Instead, I got an incredibly detailed account of their personal life. The conversation lasted over half an hour, and by the end of it, I felt like I had turned into their therapist.
This oversharing created a complicated dynamic that I hadn’t anticipated. On one hand I appreciated the trust this person had in me to reveal intimate details of their life.
On the other hand, this knowledge made it incredibly awkward to maintain professional boundaries.
Anytime they made a request, I felt a twinge of guilt for not giving them special consideration, given their difficult circumstances.
This brings me to today’s topic—TMI. It’s the acronym for too much information. This is a topic that isn’t discussed much but can have a significant impact in the workplace.
If you’ve ever found yourself on the receiving end of oversharing then this episode is for you. We’ll discuss why it makes you feel conflicted and how to avoid the risks.
Find the full transcript and other resources for women leaders at: https://livingwhileleading.com/21.
It’s Important for Women Executives to Understand the Causes of TMI
Let’s return to the story I told you earlier. I’ve always been a champion of fostering an authentic work environment. This was the reason I was initially open to my team member sharing so much personal information with me.
But this situation backfired and resulted in me struggling with an inner conflict. I wanted to be able to communicate openly with my team, but I didn’t want it to affect my ability to lead them.
Additionally, other team members began to feel that their colleague was leveraging their personal troubles to gain special treatment, like flexible work hours and less scrutiny on their projects.
This created a subtle sense of resentment within the team and impacted productivity.
Why is it that some people feel the need to overshare?
- Seeking Validation or Sympathy – The need for validation or emotional support can drive this behavior. People sometimes overshare personal or intimate details in the hopes of gaining sympathy or understanding from others. This can be especially true in high-stress environments where individuals may feel isolated and are looking for ways to emotionally connect.
- Misjudging Boundaries – Lack of awareness about what’s considered professional conduct can lead to oversharing. When employees misunderstand what’s considered acceptable communication in a professional setting, they’re inclined to share personal details that others would deem inappropriate.
- Authenticity Taken Too Far – Today’s corporate culture places a high value on authenticity and personal expression. Some individuals may misinterpret this as carte blanche to share every aspect of their lives at work. What might be intended as openness can easily spiral into oversharing.
- Lack of Awareness – Sometimes oversharing is not so much an emotional need as it is a lack of awareness. Some people simply don’t realize that the level of personal detail they’re divulging is uncomfortable for others. In their minds, they’re just participating in conversation and might be utterly oblivious to the discomfort they’re causing.
There’s a Risk to Women Leaders When Team Members Overshare
It may be difficult for you to understand why TMI is problematic in the workplace since your goal is probably to foster open team communication.
However, team oversharing can pose a significant challenge to your ability to lead effectively. Left unchecked in can expose you to having to navigate awkward situations.
Here are a few of the risks:
- When individuals overshare personal information, it risks eroding the clear boundaries that exist in a professional context. This can make it challenging for you to maintain a level of professionalism, potentially undermining your authority and team cohesion.
- Oversharing can color your perception of a team member, and compromise your ability to make impartial judgments about work performance, promotions, or project assignments. It can also unconsciously bias your professional perception, even when you believe you’re being entirely objective.
- TMI might create awkwardness or even resentment within the team, which can hinder collaboration and decrease team morale.
- When personal stories dominate team conversations, it can divert attention from the tasks at hand. Instead of collaborating on work projects, team members might find themselves entangled in resolving personal issues or conflicts, which should ideally not be their focus when they’re working.
How Women IT Executives Can Address Oversharing Tactfully
Oversharing in the workplace is a nuanced issue. While a certain level of personal sharing can foster a sense of community, there’s a fine line between building relationships and oversharing.
Understanding this balance is crucial for both team members and leaders alike.
If an employee does overshare, it’s crucial to handle the situation with sensitivity but also with directness. Arrange a private meeting with them to discuss the matter.
Acknowledge their feelings and thank them for their trust. Explain that such a level of personal sharing can complicate the professional dynamic of the team.
Prepare yourself for this conversation by being equipped to offer them other avenues of emotional support such as an employee assistance program that provides counseling services.
You’re an amazing leader and you can set the tone for what acceptable communication looks like within your organization.
Remember, you’re the solution to claiming what’s important to you!
