Have you ever felt like no matter how hard you work, it’s still not enough to be seen? You meet every deadline. You lead projects that move the needle. You deliver, and then you over-deliver. But somehow, when the big opportunities or promotions are handed out, your name isn’t on the list.
If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone.
Today, I want to talk about a myth that quietly holds many high-performing women back, the myth of the self-made woman.
We’ve all grown up on stories that glorify independence. We’re told to work hard, keep our heads down, and let our results speak for themselves. We’re taught that needing help is weakness, that asking for support makes us less competent.
Find the full transcript for this episode at LivingWhileLeading.com/78.
When Hard Work Isn’t Enough to Be Seen
I’ve learned over and over again, both from my clients and from my own experience: hard work doesn’t speak. People do.
And if no one is talking about your impact, your influence stops at the edge of your desk.
One of my clients, let’s call her Leila, once said to me, “I feel like I’ve done everything right. I deliver. I lead. I fix problems before they even happen. But when recognition comes around, I’m invisible.”
Leila’s story is far too common. She believed that asking for visibility or sponsorship somehow meant she hadn’t earned her success. She thought, “If I were truly good enough, I wouldn’t need anyone to advocate for me.”
That mindset kept her overworked, under-recognized, and exhausted.
Because while she was busy proving her worth, others were busy amplifying theirs, through relationships, allies, and advocates who mentioned their names in rooms they hadn’t even entered yet.
So one day, I asked her a simple question: “Can you name a single leader you admire who truly made it on their own?”
She paused for a moment and said. “When you put it that way, probably not.”
Exactly!
Why No One Really Makes It Alone
Every so-called self-made success story is actually a network-made one. Behind every accomplished woman is a web of mentors, sponsors, and allies who helped open doors, provide guidance, and advocate for her when she wasn’t there to do it herself.
The problem isn’t ambition. It’s isolation. The turning point comes when we stop seeing connection as dependence and start seeing it as a strategy.
Leila and I began working on reframing what visibility meant for her. Instead of thinking about networking as something artificial or self-promotional, she began to see it as a natural extension of her leadership. She started small, just thirty minutes a week focused on building relationships and visibility.
She reconnected with former colleagues she admired. She shared short progress updates with her leadership team. She joined an internal community that aligned with her expertise. Within three months, she was invited to co-lead a cross-departmental project, the kind of opportunity that had always gone to others. A few months later, her manager nominated her for a promotion.
Her work hadn’t changed, her relationship with visibility had!
Here’s the lesson: you don’t need to be more. You need to be seen!
Three Small Moves That Change Everything
The self-made story feels noble because self-reliance looks like strength. But real strength isn’t doing everything alone, it’s knowing when and where to align. Visibility isn’t vanity; it’s value amplification. It’s how others learn to trust your leadership and decide to back your next move.
If your work isn’t being recognized, it’s not because it isn’t good enough. It’s because it’s traveling alone. And that’s a solvable problem.
So if you’re listening to this and thinking, “That’s me,” here are three small shifts that can change everything.
- First, move from proving to partnering. Stop waiting for a project to be perfect before involving others. Invite collaboration early. When people co-create with you, they naturally become advocates for your work.
- Second, shift your focus from doing more to being known for more. Instead of expanding your task list, expand your visibility footprint. Share updates, insights, or lessons learned. Let people see how you think, not just what you produce.
- And third, move from “I’ll figure it out” to “Who already has?” Every challenge you face has someone who’s been there before. Asking for guidance isn’t weakness. It’s acceleration!
When Leila embraced these shifts, something powerful happened. She didn’t just gain visibility; she gained confidence. She started showing up differently in meetings. She spoke about her work with clarity instead of hesitation. She stopped apologizing for being ambitious. And the organization began to see her the way she saw herself, as a strategic leader, not just a reliable doer.
From Unseen to Unignorable
If you recognize yourself in her story, remember this: you’re not behind. You’re just unamplified. You don’t need to become someone else. You need to let others see who you already are, capable, credible, and deserving of support.
Because when you stop trying to be the self-made woman and start building a supported success story, everything changes. Your confidence grows. Your opportunities multiply. And your impact becomes unignorable.
So here’s a reflection for you. Who in your network could you reach out to this week, not to ask for something, but to share something meaningful about the work you’re doing and why it matters?
That one small conversation might be your first step from invisible to unignorable.
If you’re ready to be seen, be backed, and be unignorable, I’d love to help you make that happen. Visit the work-with-Sharon page at LivingWhileLeading.com
Until next time, keep leading, keep shining, and keep building the network that carries your brilliance forward.