Sharon Ehrlich: Hi, and welcome to the Living While Leading Podcast. Recently, I had the pleasure of being a guest on Michelle B. Griffin’s Standout Women Live show.
In this interview, we discussed one of my favorite topics: how to own the room and be recognized for your brilliance. This is a departure from my usual podcast format in which I either host solo shows or interview high-powered women executives and thought leaders.
This time, I’m the one behind the microphone, sharing insights on how to take back your time and strategically pursue your goals. I’m thrilled for you to hear this interview and hope it empowers you to own the room.
Let’s get started and remember to check the show notes to find out how to connect with Michelle.
Michelle B Griffin: Welcome, everybody, to another episode of standout women live. I am your host, Michelle B. Griffin. Today, it’s all about owning it. Today, I’m really excited to introduce my friend and fellow champion of women. Welcome to the show, Sharon Ehrlich.
Sharon Ehrlich: Hi there.
Michelle B Griffin: Hey. It’s so good to have you here. Sharon is the CEO, founder and CEO of Living While Leading. Did I get that right? Or Leading While Living, did I get that right?
Sharon Ehrlich: Living While Leading.
Michelle B Griffin: That’s right. Yeah. She has been someone who’s been on our each other’s radar, really for the last year and a half. We share a vision, helping women just really own it. Her with OWN THE ROOM, me with OWN YOUR LANE.
But we’re going to get into this whole topic. So if you’re a seasoned women professional and you’re ready to own this season of your life on your timeline, in your terms, Sharon has this brilliant framework all about owning the room. So let’s get into it. What does own the room mean, Sharon?
Sharon Ehrlich: First, thank you for having me as a guest on your show. Michelle, you know that I’ve been a fan girl for quite a long time, so it’s quite a stunning moment for me to be here with you and to have an opportunity to speak to your guests.
I created a framework a few years ago in response to something I started seeing with my coaching clients. Many of them were going through their careers on automatic pilot, basically saying yes to any promotions that came their way without really being strategic about them, saying yes to taking on lots of responsibilities at home, and saying yes to basically everything.
My framework is about owning your time and empowering yourself. If you want to live your life in balance, you have to take control. That means owning the room. The acronym OWN stands for observe, weigh, and negotiate.
So, effectively, when I work with my coaching clients, I tell them I want them to take an inventory of how they’re spending their time. This exercise alone can be extremely challenging because when do you find the time to actually take an inventory of how you’re spending your time?
Michelle B Griffin: That’s almost like pulling teeth to try to find time, right? It’s just so hard. So before we get into it, before I want to ask the audience for those just listening to replay, are you having trouble with owning your time?
Let us know in the comments. Tell us where you’re calling from. And even if you have a question throughout the show, put it in there because we’re going to shout you out. And if not, we’ll come back and answer. Because Sharon is just loaded with so much gold and gems.
Because Sharon, I kind of feel like this is like nodding to the proverbial oxygen mass theory where you should probably put your oxygen mask on first so you can help others. But I don’t want to put words your mouth. Is that sort of what this is leaning into?
Sharon Ehrlich: That’s precisely what it’s about. And I can tell you from my own lived experience I was a global executive. So that meant that every week I was waking up in a new city, I had a school-age boy and a disabled mother I was caring for. And let’s remember a husband who also needed a little bit of attention from me.
I just kept piling it on, and there was one point when I came to a breakdown. I’m not proud to share this with people because I take a lot of pride in having control over my life, but there was a moment when I felt like I lost complete control.
And my mission here is really to help women save themselves from this. Recognize that you’re on a path that is not sustainable. You can do it for months or even years, but there is a point where it does reach its breaking point.
You have to do something about it. And so, like I said before, having an opportunity to work by yourself or with the coach, start to do an inventory of where and how you’re spending your time. Is that in alignment with how you want to live your life?
Michelle B Griffin: Yes, we’re doing things like probably. And this can work for entrepreneurs, too, because I know you work on the corporate side, but any, any professional woman, really, really. Here we go. Through the motions.
We just accept our life and just kind of go on endless, nonstop motion until one day there’s a breaking point. Or you wake up and go, where did the last ten years go? Or something happens that you go, I’m living. What the heck?
And so you’re here to help women save themselves, stop themselves up before they. It gets to that breaking point, is what I’m hearing this? Okay. That this is so good. So I think, tell us again, because I kind of swooped in before you could finish the own, or you did tell us the own.
Remind us again what the own framework is, because not only do you speak, not only do you coach, you speak globally about this, because this is really, truly passion and your purpose and a mission of yours. Sharon, is that right?
Sharon Ehrlich: That’s correct. So, to go through the acronym again, it’s observe, weigh, and negotiate. The observing can happen in many different ways.
This can be a very reflective exercise where you’re taking inventory of how you spend your time, not only in your life but also in your career. I think it’s worth mentioning,
I have a lot of difficulty with this whole notion of work-life balance because it pits your work against your life, and at the end of the day, it’s all your life. I like to frame it as “Let’s think about your life as a portfolio.”
There are lots of things that you want to accomplish. You want to have a career, and you’re ambitious. You want to be physically fit. You want to nurture relationships, whether that be your family or your chosen family. You want to. Some people may wish to contribute something to the community.
The list is very long and varied depending on who you are and your interests. So, this observation should not be very binary. Am I working too hard, or am I playing too hard? But how am I spending all of my time across all of these different aspects of my life that are important to me?
Michelle B Griffin: I love that. That is a new concept. Wait, portfolio in your life? Yeah, that is so I. You know, I love that because you’re breaking through the status quo and the cliches that we hear work life balance is this and this. So, you’re reframing. This is what I love helping encourage women to do.
Before we go further, I want to give a shout out to Meredith, who says, this may seem small, but advocating for your own calendar is important. So, so true. I once booked solid. I once booked solid, aside from the lunch hour, and I received an invite for a meeting. I decided it was important to have that time for myself in order to stay present. Good for you, Meredith. This is probably what you’re like. Yes, Sharon, this is exactly what you do, right?
Sharon Ehrlich: Well done, Meredith. And what I could add to that is, a lot of folks will say, I can’t find an hour. It doesn’t need to be an hour. You can do it in tiny increments over the day.
There’s not one of us here who could not cobble together 30 minutes over 24 hours to dedicate to yourself. Not with your devices in your hand, but to yourself, whatever that means—sitting in a coffee house, writing in your journal, whatever it takes. We need that time, and we deserve that time.
Michelle B Griffin: I love that. You know what I say to myself, too. This is talking to me and probably a lot of people, too. The amount of time we just unwaringly, unknowingly just suck in the vortex of social media scrolling because we’re bored putting something off.
We need to own that time for us. So don’t let social media suck the time that’s really precious for you. So I think that’s where I could probably do more time. For me, it’s going on a morning walk because I kind of process meditate and do all those things.
Even sometimes I’m short on time. I’ll just do 15 minutes, but it really changes my point of view and, you know, resets me. Before we go into the w and our next step, I want to give a shout out to G. She says, happy Monday, ladies. Yes, to Monday. It’s mindset Monday. That’s why I have these.
Thrilled to catch this today, Michelle. And wow. On this own framework of Sharon’s. Yes, yes, yes! Thank you so much, G, for that. So just resonating. This is one of so far, since I just revisited the show live, this is one of the most highly invited or, you know, signed up for events.
Sharon, so you have struck a chord with this. Women here are saying, enough. It’s time to own me. So, this is brilliant. So, let’s get into “w”. The next step is w for. So, the first we have to observe, right? Where am I finding gaps and opportunities that I can see?
The little bit of time, and I’m assuming each little time can build up. So you find that small time and then let it grow a little bit. Right. I’m just assuming.
Sharon Ehrlich: But the other part of it, Michelle, is, once you’ve done this inventory, then you have to look at it with a very critical eye and understand, where am I spending time where I don’t need to spend it anymore.
If you’re a leader, this could mean you delegate more and eliminate your fear of delegating. Your fear of having things done perfectly, so you do them yourself instead of letting other people do it and grow.
That’s one aspect of it. The other aspect is that most of us have so much crystallized intelligence, meaning that we get it because of our work experience and our lived experience. We know how things go, and some things are not a good use of your time.
You could spend your time on things that are so much more impactful. The weighing part is to say, “Is this still worth being part of my normal routine? “And if it’s not, then the strategy that’s part of the end is to negotiate: How do I get rid of it? “
Michelle B Griffin: Yeah, this is so simple. Like, see what’s wrong, figure it out, and then let’s figure. So this is like. This is like, a no excuses framework. This is a no fluff framework, which I call it. Like, how do we figure out the balance? What are some really practical tips so we can weigh the odds, so to speak?
Sharon Ehrlich: One of the things that I always try to explore with my coaching clients, who, as I said before, are high-performing, professional women, is to say, how important is that to you?
Let me give you an example of a conversation I had with an executive. This was somebody who had fought and climbed the ranks to the highest level of her organization.
We all understand that there are only a few women on boards. So, she was on a board for this and an advisory board here, and those were hard-won for her to get those positions. But ten years later, they didn’t have the same importance to her now as they did ten years prior.
Part of that weighting is also looking at these things that we’re doing with a very critical eye and saying, “I know that was my baby.” I loved doing that, and it taught me a lot. I met great people, and it added tremendous value then. But the person I am today needs something different.
That’s why the weighing part can be very challenging. Those are things that we fought for, and in many cases, we wanted. But we have to find a way to release them.
Michelle B Griffin: Well, that’s so true, because we tend to cling on to things just because we’re used to them. Or so you’re acknowledging and normalizing, see what’s now and maybe even a little bit in the future. The past is sometimes not an indicator of the future, as they say. Right.
I love that. Let’s give a shout out to Linda Brubaker, who says we all need to give ourselves permission to put ourselves in the picture in the calendar. Boom. What a quote. I think that needs to be a quote, Linda, on a future post. That is so good. Yes. So I agree.
And I’m sure Sharon is like, heck, yeah, that is so good. I’m guilty of that, too. I’m an overly sentimental person. I can think in the context of like, I know this doesn’t exist or this isn’t what you’re trying to say here, but I think of stuff like my kids toys and stuff, they’re very grown, but I have a hard time shedding stuff because I’m sentimental.
Like, it felt like it’s part of me and all this. But yes, that is part of you, but that’s not part of you now. It’s still you, but it’s not the current you. Is that what you’re trying to get here, Sharon? Because that’s what I’m saying.
Sharon Ehrlich: Absolutely. There is another way to frame it. For those of us who are mentoring women, sponsoring women, or leading mid-career people, it’s an opportunity to give someone else a chance to grow.
You grew, and you were able to extract as much as you could from that experience. Whatever it is, it’s something that you’re doing in the office. Maybe it’s something you’re doing in your community, etc., and pass the baton.
A considerable part of generosity lies in this way phase because you’re saying, I’m giving it away. I got what I could from it, and now I’m giving it to you because you will grow. And you’ll have such a wonderful experience doing what I did ten years ago.
That’s another aspect of the way that I think, when it’s framed in this way, it makes it a little bit easier to release it because you realize you’re not releasing it and dropping it. You’re giving it a second life, and this is so beautiful.
Michelle B Griffin: That helps me automatically when you frame it. Oh, my gosh, yes. It’s time to someone else to take the baton. I love that. It’s so good.
Sharon, you were just dropping so many, like, quotable moments. As I say, this is so good. Shout out to Sharon Perry- Ferrari, who has the coolest name ever, just flows off your tongue.
Letting go and delegating can be hard, but it does liberate your schedule. Goodness gracious. Yes. I mean, time we can’t make. I know it sounds so cliche. We can’t remake it and make more money, but, you know, live in the moment has.
I’m looking at that quote, you know, over here, and that’s always been my guiding star, and I’m always not the best at it. But you are definitely telling us this is what you do. Hey, Sue. Sue Cullen is here today saying, is this worth being part of my normal routine? Oh, yes. Should I get another chord with your great comment, Sharon?
Sharon Ehrlich: Thank you.
Michelle B Griffin: Jillian says, love that no fluff framework. Yes. I’m all against fluff and all for foundation. So you are nailing it today with everything you do, Sharon. And she says, Linda will set.
Okay, so we are. We’re getting now to the most important part, the change making part of this incredible framework negotiate. So I know we’re all going to be wondering, tell us how to negotiate a better self, a better timeline on our terms.
Sharon Ehrlich: This can be very challenging. And why this is challenging for most of us because we take our commitment so seriously, and we don’t want to let people down.
The moment you say, “I don’t want to sit on this board anymore, or I don’t want to be the head of this employee resource group anymore,” someone on the other side will receive that message and potentially will not be that amused or enchanted by what you’re saying.
The negotiating part is also about thinking about how I will engage in this conversation so that everybody wins so that people don’t feel like they’re losing something but that they’re gaining something.
Let’s face it—every negotiation is about selling. I had a very long career at IBM, and I know what it means to make people feel that there is value in agreeing to something. I hate to break things down into that sort of framework, but at the end of the day, most of our conversations, even with our youngest children, are about creating a value statement.
You eat your peas, and then you get to play with your Game Boy, right? There is this carrot stick sort of thing. Negotiating is hard, and I don’t mean to make light of it. It can be very challenging because people expect us to say yes to everything, particularly when they know us.
Michelle B Griffin: One of my clients, Sheri Berry, who helps women in mid-career who have high-achieving spouses, she’s a purpose and well-being coach. She coined the term, or maybe she’s in her book that’s coming out. She has this she calls “helium hand”.
We’re always putting the hand up. Yes. Can’t say no. I used to do like that as, because I’m a people pleaser at heart, but I learned, too. I’m learning, you know, the younger Michelle was. I’m learning to still be empowering and helpful, but you got to frame it in your terms so you don’t burn out.
But I think that’s where it is, because like you said, it’s your reputation as always being the go to, right? And so maybe internally, is this what I’m hearing you say? It helps us. We’re scared. We’re scared to maybe lose that power or that reputation that has really propelled us in our careers and our businesses.
So the challenging part is very real, but I’m sure you have some really strategic and tactical ways to do that. What are some of the best tips you would suggest?
Sharon Ehrlich: First off, I think when it comes to family—because let’s face it, family is a large part of the helium hand, as you just described it, is to get people on board with what you’re trying to do. To get them to understand that they can also contribute in some way.
This is a big topic for many of my successful and more accomplished women because they’re a little older. They have elderly parents who also need to be cared for, as well as adult children.
And invariably, I see with many of them that there’s one person responsible for making the pharmacy runs and taking the parents to appointments when other siblings or even adult children could support that.
Sometimes, it’s just having a come to Jesus conversation with the family around the dinner table to say, hey, guys, I’ve been doing it. I love doing it. But we all have to chip in a bit more because I’m on the path to greatness in this area of my life, or I want to explore something that I have yet to have the time to explore. And I know that you all want me to be happy, too. So, what can we all do together and roll up our sleeves to make this happen?
Michelle B Griffin: I love that. So it’s contribution. I’m hearing some themes here. You’re leading with contribution. You’re leading with knowing your purpose and your why, to kind of rally the troops and not just say, I’m done.
It’s all yours in whatever context, to really just tell people from emotional point of view, we connect as emotionally, you know, humans. So bring that in with a strong why factor, and then how can we work on this together? So you’re not just dropping the load of whatever it is in someone’s lap and say, see ya, I’m done.
Because no one wants to do that, right? Because that’s probably why, in your mind, you’re thinking, I could never do that, because you envision maybe a conversation like that. So you’re bringing it kind of in the middle and saying, how do we work for all of us together? What’s best for the situation?
I absolutely love that reframe. That is negotiation one on one, which I’m not skilled at. I mean, I’ve not been trained in that, but I’m assuming that would be some of the core elements on this.
Sharon Ehrlich: That’s one way. The other thing that I find astonishing is that oftentimes, we engage in things that can be outsourced with almost no investment.
I have a dear, dear friend who is highly accomplished. She was complaining that she was so stressed because she had to iron her husband’s shirts. He’s also very accomplished. So, you have two successful people. And is there any reason why those couldn’t be sent out for service? It was something that never occurred to her.
Michelle B Griffin: Wow. Right?
Sharon Ehrlich: That’s another part of the negotiating. If you have the resources, eliminate those things that others can do much more efficiently. Maybe you hire people. We all have folks in our lives looking for some additional income, young teenagers or even elderly people who want to do some extra work.
There are so many resources out there that will cost nothing nor drain our budgets. Some of us can afford it, and others can afford alternatives. I ask people to think outside the box. If that’s something you cannot add value to, why can’t someone else do it?
Michelle B Griffin: Your time is more valuable, so, you know, and your mental state, freeing you up will probably let you be more of a contributor and accomplish more and probably make more money, you know, than having those reminds me — I don’t know if any of them, if any of you listening or watching or maybe you share, have read that book, 10X is Easier than 2X?
It’s a huge book that I read in June. It changed my life. And basically, are we leading with ten x things, bigger goals in our life? Are we just leading with all the things that are just keeping us really, you know, in a two x, like a really mediocre mediocrity and just like not doing important things?
And I get, I’m really butchering the whole concept of the book, but it’s transformative. I just had my mom read it the other day and she’s like, wow. It just helps you see the bigger picture where you want to go in life.
So, you’re not doing the mundane. So, quality over quantity, very similar. And in the context of women, and this is professional women, even entrepreneurial women, I find, and I’m guilty of this, too, I’m doing things because I’m a perfectionist. It’s too much trouble, I think, in my mind to go tell someone else or hire someone else or explain. I think it’s the time thing for the most part, too.
Do you find that people think, oh, that’ll take too much time to have to go figure out another solution? Is that something you see as well?
Sharon Ehrlich: Absolutely. We are most guilty of standing in our way. You mentioned Michelle, which is essential if you consider the greater why.
What do you want to achieve, and what’s standing in your way? When you start to frame it in that context and map it out—I’m in a different generation and am still using pen and paper, you know.
If you start to map this out and put your why in the center, and then everything that you’re doing, you begin to ask yourself, how is this getting me to my big why, my purpose, whatever that is. The why doesn’t always have to be a significant purpose.
Maybe your why is that you want to move from being a second-line manager to a director in an organization, or maybe your why is that you want to spend more time in community work. It could be anything.
Michelle B Griffin: Anything. Your heart’s desire. It doesn’t have to be the hustle, hustle, hustle. It’s what’s true to you, you know?
Sharon Ehrlich: Exactly. So, do all roads lead you to your why? And I’m entirely realistic. I know that there are certain things in our lives that we cannot release. It’s that clear. But you know what? There is a lot more that we can renegotiate. Part of the negotiation is also renegotiating your relationship with perfectionism.
Michelle B Griffin: Can I raise both hands here? I’m a perfectionist to a fault, and it’s something I’m really trying to work on. It’s really, really hard. And I guess at the end of the day, I’ve been told that’s a form of fear. You know, you don’t want to release anything or you always. I don’t know. I just. It’s something I really struggle with.
I really need to apply the own framework, I think, to some of things in my life. Sharon, this is so good. Amelie. I think that’s how you say her name. She is dropping so many quotable quotes like, less is more. Be vulnerable. Breathe.
I encourage everyone to go read these comments. G says, because I always recommend books. And G’s like, yes to the 10X book. I need to continue making a dent. It’s so deep that you almost have to. It’s almost like you have to baby feed yourself. And it’s so deep, but it really transformed how I think about things. It’s so good. So shout out to G.
Sharon says outsourcing when it comes to tasks that are not using your specific skill set. Yes. Doing them is actually slowing your career growth. Wow. So true. Going back to the perfectionism things. So this is just so good in our.
So, Sharon, I know that you have just dropped so many gems. This is worth going to be like a repeat, a rewatch. So many good things. I love this. So now that we’ve owned it, we’re going to try to own it. What can we look for to continue to own the room? Tell us your best ways to stay in the game that way.
Sharon Ehrlich: It’s a tricky question because sustainability is always the challenge when you’re making any sort of transformational change in your life. And one of those things I always try to encourage my clients is to have a quarterly review, just like you would in any organization.
You ask yourself, okay, what did I tell myself were my main goals for this quarter or this month? You must have grace with yourself and should not beat yourself up if you don’t reach a goal. But you also have to ask yourself, what stood in my way?
What circumstances kept me from doing what I wanted for the last three months? Because at least you don’t let it get away from you. Because doing an inventory on 31 December so that you can set your New Year’s resolution on January 1, you waste too much time and lose time. You lose momentum and beat yourself up because you don’t have enough time to catch up.
Michelle B Griffin: And you forget, too. It’s hard to remember at the end of the year, right? Who remembers what they did all year?
Sharon Ehrlich: Having grace is essential. Personal accountability plays a significant role in sustaining any change—end of story.
Michelle B Griffin: Well, you know, going back to your whole concept of treating us like a portfolio, you look at your financial portfolio and go, okay, what’s up and down? Where do I need to fix? So think of that. So it’s a good tie into that.
This has been so good. Sharon, you’re so profound in what you say, what you do. You’re an international speaker. You coach women. You have a podcast. I know those listening and watching are going to go, where can we learn more about Sharon? So where would we go?
Sharon Ehrlich: Well, I’m very active on LinkedIn. I have my podcast, Living While Leading. There are two episodes a month. One of them is a live episode, and this live one was created to answer a problem I had when I was young: I didn’t have a lot of contact with accomplished women and thought leaders.
So, I invite accomplished women and thought leaders to my show, and we discuss a topic, which always ends up being a masterclass and a coaching session. You can also visit my website, LivingWhileLeading.com, where you can find out how to reach me. You can direct message me. I’m very good at communicating. If you send me a message and I will respond within 24 hours.
Michelle B Griffin: Okay, everyone, go check out Sharon. She has given you so many ways to connect with her and learn more about owning the room. Sharon, this has been tremendous, as always. You are just so gifted in your thoughts, the way you frame things, so easy to understand and take action on. So I’m going to go follow the own framework, and I know there’s a lot of gaps that I’m going to be looking for. So, thank you so much for being on the show today. It was truly an honor to have you.
Sharon Ehrlich: It was my pleasure.
Michelle B Griffin: Absolutely. Okay, everybody, this was just another gem dropping event episode, and I can’t thank you enough for those that have watched live, those listening on the replay, and those listening on the podcast.
If you have any questions between now and then, drop these in the comments. Sharon and I will come back and answer them. And we just want to thank you for spending your 30 minutes with us. And we hope, and we know that you’ve gotten so much goodness to take out and start your week.
So that’s it for another episode of Standout Women Live. Until then, keep putting yourself out there. You have a brand to build, a message to share, and people to impact. I’ll catch you next time. Take care.
